If your savings is looking dusty this one’s for you

After my last post I asked my social media followers what was their biggest financial flaw and inevitably every response had to do with 20 somethings not being able to save for the life of them. So I decided to look further into why that is and how our saving habits got to be as poor as they are as a collective. Hold on to your wigs and slick them edges because I’m about to tell you exactly why you are broke over the span of the next few weeks (which no one wants to hear). But relax and take notes, I am also here to explain how you can fix that and motivate you as much as humanly possible to do better.

I am no financial expert but I am a 23 year old college student who has learned through trial and error how to not live paycheck to paycheck. At this point in my life I can confidently say that I have leveled up significantly in my finances but I got to a better place through understanding my mistakes and educating myself on money. But the most important factor was repairing my “money mindset ” which we will get to soon. Being broke is not just lack of funds, it becomes a lifestyle and way of thinking that we must break ourselves of. So let’s get into it…

Change your broke a** frame of mind & entitled attitude

Harsh, I know. But this might be the most important factor of all. If you’re anything like me, your brokenness AND your broke frame of mind have been inherited. You’ve watched your parents work their a** off and penny pinch. You’ve listened to them complain about bills piling up and going into debt. You’ve probably even seen them argue about spending habits if your parents are anything like mine. But do not take on these financial curses and core beliefs. They don’t have to be yours and I strongly advise you to leave them at the door before you even begin on your journey to saving and changing your spending habits.

I want to begin this with a story that a friend of mine felt was important for me to tell. I’m really weird about sharing my wins and losses so I tend to share neither, as I don’t like to feel like I’m “flexing” or bragging about what I have accomplished. But truthfully you’re not going to find my advise credible if I don’t tell you how I’ve acquired my knowledge on the topic of money.  So here it is (and I promise to keep it as short as possible):

Truthfully I’ve always been really good at acquiring money. I worked my first job at 15 and I was never the same. I really got off on making my own money and being able to spend it as I please. I became addicted to the feeling of independence and financial security pretty early. My parents have never had to tell me to get a job because I literally HATED not having one. I was extremely tired of being broke by my second year of high school. Skipping lunch so you can save up all the money your parents give you to buy cute clothes or a new phone was no longer worth it and ya girl was already a toothpick to begin with back then. When I reached about 19 was when reality had truly set in. I had once believed that when you work hard you get money then you get to spend it freely. By my first year of college I had realized that wasn’t entirely true because as hard as I work all of my dreams seemingly came crashing down one semester in.

In my mind I was doing everything possible to stay afloat. I spent my senior year working super hard to build a portfolio of my writing to get my way into my dream University. Which I did, and I was accepted with scholarships and a grant. But one semester in after tuition hiked ever so conveniently, it became really clear I wasn’t going to be able to survive (as in the cost of living all on it’s own) and go to school. I was commuting to San Francisco every day to work and to take my classes. I had gotten a good job at a high end (and very boring) store at Westfield mall and I had just secured my room and board situation (or so I had thought). When tuition went up I sat at home  with my mom and calculated how much my parents would have to come out of pocket. It was then that I knew I couldn’t continue my education there. My parents didn’t have it because I grew up the furthest thing from rich and I’m the oldest of three kids (they still have two more to put through college…in today’s economy…couldn’t be me!). I knew exactly what I had to do…

Be a stripper! Just kidding. Although it’s crossed my mind I have weak ankles and men easily irritate me. But in all seriousness, I knew I had to drop out. Because of the school I went to being a private school they had began instruction late, which ultimately meant I was ass out. I couldn’t get classes anywhere and I was stuck living at home with nothing to do for an entire semester. That lasted about a week and a half before I went nuts because I am the biggest busy body and workaholic that I know. I immediately starting looking for local job listings. Within a week I had applied to a million different places and it seemed like none of them had gotten back to me. Keep in mind I had very little work experience so all of the places I was applying to were in retail of course. I began to get discouraged because not even Walmart had called me back. I didn’t want to work there anyways, but the feeling was similar to having a phone full of men and you text them and not even the least desirable one texts you back. You start to wonder if you’re ugly. But instead I was starting to wonder if I would be a jobless bum forever.

But I wasn’t, and from this experience I also realized I’m incredibly dramatic. Within a week of feeling useless and bored at home I was suddenly getting calls from everywhere. I had gotten multiple job offers and I was extremely excited. But I didn’t know which store to choose. I narrowed them down to the top 3 highest paying options and I bet you can guess what I did next….I took all three because I’m clearly a psycho! I had two day jobs and one overnight job and I worked all three even into the following semester at community college. The plan was to only work all three jobs until classes had started up again but I’m a “have your cake and eat it too” kind of gal. During my time off from school I had also began modeling. I made sure I had nothing planned on my weekends so that I could fly out to Seattle and LA to my home agencies. Eventually I began taking all of my courses online so I could get more sleep. But right before I turned 20 it all came crashing down.

I was doing great in school and I made a lot of money between all my jobs. I had gotten some great opportunities through modeling and yet I was extremely grumpy and tired all the time. Everything felt like work and I knew I wasn’t enjoying any of it. Modeling was the first to go. Then two of my jobs. However, the convenience of online courses stuck and I took on five of them while working one job. I had finally quit working at Target because they weren’t at all considerate with the fact that I was in school and instead I started working at Forever 21 a few weeks later and started with almost full time hours. But this was no better. Yeah I got more sleep and had more time for school work, but truthfully I hated retail. I was literally getting paid to be yelled at and disrespected DAILY about our no return policy (which I have no control over) for only $10 an hour. Thank goodness they’ve changed it since because I’ve literally watched my coworkers be verbally and physically abused over it. Capitalism in America is a trip…you hate to see it.

I worked maybe one more retail job during my 20th year of life and I knew it would be my last. I started feeling defeated. I would work on my birthday, work holidays, and even work over time just for the managers to play favorites, never give me a raise, and hardly acknowledge my efforts. It finally hit me one day as I was working my crappy sales associate job at the Livermore outlets. As I was watching rich caucasians mess up my neatly folded polo table it became clear to me that these people who park in valet at the mall and use black cards to pay for the same polo’s every week were no smarter than me. They worked no harder than me, nor were they more talented than me. The only difference was privilege. I had managed to worked around my blackness and being a woman my whole life so where was I going wrong? After walking out days later and never returning to my crappy retail job I realized all this time working harder had gotten me nowhere. It was working smarter that always worked in my favor.

Work smarter not harder & stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.

After quitting retail I began to Nanny and it was much more convenient for my lifestyle. I liked being able to make good money while also getting my education which is pretty hard to do. I started out nannying part time and taking the courses that Chabot College required me to on campus. Then when those courses were completed I made sure to transfer to a university that would allow me to get my degree 100% online. Nannying allowed me to work up to 15 hours a day and get my work done. I had my laptop with me so that every chance I could I was able to get my work done. I made sure to take advantage of every snack, nap time, homework time, dance practice, or sport event. Hot spot was the best thing I had ever invested in at that time.

The best part was being able to make my own schedule and take off from work whenever I needed the mental break and then get right back to it. Things that allow me to have the freedom to work at my own pace and make my own schedule work for me because I have a natural discipline about myself. Being self aware and knowing this about myself has helped me to figure out what works best for me and what makes my life easier. When you know what kind of lifestyle works best for you that’s when things start to click. After 3 years of nannying and becoming restless and bored I knew I wanted to level up and stay away from more college debt. At this point I have zero help in paying for school. My own hard work and financial aid is fully what keeps me afloat. But I wanted more than to stay afloat I wanted to be comfortable and be able to invest in shades of pink. So I decided to work harder, save my money, and quit nannying.

I literally woke up one day and said “I’m going to be a teacher”. It sounds crazy, but I am much happier in a setting that has purpose but also makes me money. In California teachers aren’t paid amazing but to be paid what I am now at only 23 (and because I only have to support myself) I’m doing extremely well. I took two weeks to myself to enroll in child development courses and I became a teachers aid. I worked on my current major (and keep in mind I am a double major) while getting the needed credentials to teach. It was hard work yes, but I stayed locked into both so that I covered all my bases and I’m never a** out of a job. That’s what I mean by stay ready so you don’t have to get ready. At 22 I started thinking way ahead of just the next 5 years. I spent 6 months slaving, doing more homework than you could imagine so that I could coast forever after. Here I am a year and some change later a teacher with her own classroom and her credentials. I’m also a few months away from graduating with a BA in Journalism & Mass Communications. I run a blog and I absolutely love the life I have created for myself.

I’m able to take a trip if I wanted to, drive a new car, or even move out of my parents house tomorrow if I wanted to (but I don’t because I’m saving and I don’t want to have to live with 5 other people. Y’all can keep that), and I’m able to invest my money in things that will make me even more money (my biggest flex thus far).  So I say all of this to say, things looked up when I stopped thinking that it couldn’t be easier and that I can’t be happy in the process of making money. I absolutely believe there is beauty in the struggle because I learned so much while in that space. But truthfully, the struggle does not have to be your whole 20’s. It’s all up to you. You absolutely have 100% control over the decisions you make. Every day with every small decision we shape and create our own reality. You are broke because you are choosing to be. You are broke because you make broke a** decisions instead of productive ones. The reality is you might have to sacrifice the partying, the traveling, and the expensive eating habits. You may have to spend some months in solitude awaiting your come up. I sure as hell did a lot of that.

The sacrifice part is required and you can’t cheat it. But I can tell you this, I’ve never truly missed out while getting my sh*t together, it only feels that way. Feelings are temporary and so are these points in time where you’re feeling alone and left out. I’ve had to go without in every way imaginable at one point in time and sometimes I still do. But what I work for always supplies me with that and then some. When you have a vision for yourself and for your bank account be realistic about what it requires. Budget and stick to it. I’m not saying never have fun but make sure it’s within your means and don’t be afraid to say “Nah, I’m gonna have to sit this one out”. Your future self and your bank account will thank you later. Every sacrifice I made, I made in knowing that I owe it to myself to be disciplined now so that I can have everything I’ve ever wanted later. And I certainly have most if not all of the things I imagined I would have a few months ago when I was working for 2 degrees. I’ve paid off a good chunk of my debt, my credit score is great, my bank account is (almost) always hefty, I just bought a new car, I have a retirement fund (not a 401k and I have little desire to have one but that’s a blog for another time), my money is invested in stocks (the right way), and I have a job that comes with full benefits. But the best benefit of all being that what I wake up to go do every day is something I love.

There’s a lot I still have yet to accomplish but I do feel it’s a great start. I’m blessed to have people in my life who encourage me to celebrate myself from time to time. Sometimes I’m so busy being “in it” that I forget to step outside of all that I’m doing and just be proud of myself. I encourage all of you to do the same. Start where you are, stop thinking with a broke mindset, stop thinking the universe owes you money and go out and find what makes you money. Pay attention to the qualities about yourself that easily make you money and capitalize off of them. Tap into your other abilities that can make you money while you’re getting your degree and working hard to get to your ultimate goal or dream job. If you are multitalented use that as leverage to have multiple means of income. Never stop at just one. I kept it light this time so I can ease all of you into this but be ready to take notes and piece your edges back together real soon. We’re breaking these shi**y money habits together and I want you all to be ready to do the work. I want us all to be financially thriving by 2020. You owe it to yourself ! (And your dusty bank accounts).

Scared money don’t make money.

Xoxo,

Nori

Hot girl or hot mess?

Ladies… I know its’s 2019 and we are in the midst of our hot girl & City girl summers. I know that in today’s times we think very highly of ourselves, our financial stability, and the value of our time. I am genuinely here for all of it. The girl boss entrepreneurship and attitudes, and the transparency of our standards is amazing to see. However, this confidence does not replace one small but important factor: nobody owes you a damn thing. I know Megan Thee Stallion said “yeah I’m in MY bag but I’m in his too”…. but some of y’all forgot the “MY bag” part.

I encourage every woman around me and every woman reading my blog to require from a man what you require from yourself. It’s important to be equally yoked and for your requirements, wants, and needs to be met. But what is NOT okay is that some of us carry this mentality of looking at a man as a check and overlooking good men because they aren’t offering to pay your rent. I’m never opposed to a man wanting to take care of me, but I don’t find it okay or the least bit flattering if that’s what’s happening and I can’t take care of myself. It’s one thing if you’re down bad temporarily and the man in your life offers to help you out.

But more and more over social media I see women talking about requiring men to pay for their every expense. I’ve seen arrogant statements about certain women not even wanting a man to call them unless it’s about paying some of her bills. Statements like that are why I feel genuine love is hard to come by. A man helping to take care of you is the icing on the cake. The cake itself is the important qualities like compatibility, love languages, and common goals, which are being over looked. Then as a result of this mind set men my age are walking around thinking everybody wants something from them.

I think some of us have taken the lyrics of today’s female rap artists and ran with it in the worst way. I think the bigger picture here is to boss up and expect stability from yourself then require it from someone else. There is nothing hot girl-esqe about not being able to support yourself but requiring another individual to, in return for your time. We have to stop acting like having a vagina is all we have to offer and that because of it a man should pay up and worship us. Unless you’re looking to live a sugar baby or escort lifestyle (which I am not judging at all, get it how you live girl. I respect everyone’s hustle and look down upon no one.) leave it out of your relationships.

Your love interests and boyfriends are not a bank, they’re not your pimp, they’re not your father and you look like a bum treating them as such when you can barely pay to get your own nails done. Get realistic and decide what you actually want. Do you want a boyfriend ? Do you want a check ? Do you want both ? Figure that out before you call the next man a bum for wanting to take you on a real date instead of taking you shopping on your first encounter. Something else to consider is the position you are putting yourself in.

If your relationship is centered around money and you, yourself barely have any… that never ends well. The amount of stories I’ve heard of where women wind up stuck in a relationship they’re unhappy with because they are living off of a man and have no other option is ridiculous. When you move in with a man make sure you have the means to exit that situation in case it doesn’t work out. If a man does love you and value you enough to pay your bills make sure regardless you can still have the means to pay them in case the day comes that you no longer want to deal with this person or they decide they no longer want to deal with you.

Even more importantly think of the power you lose when you don’t have your own. You give men a lot of power over you when you’re driving in what he paid for, your living in his home, and living a certain lifestyle with his money. There are certain men who will use their financial power to control you or keep you. Men like this will view you as a possession rather than a person.Truly ask yourself if that is worth any amount of money or perks ? You can’t be a boss b*tch with a bank account that is in the negative while also living a lifestyle that is completely funded by someone who can decide to stop catering to your financial needs at any time.

Have your own and require someone to meet you at that level. If he happens to have it more together than you and wants to spoil you it’s a plus. But don’t stop your grind and the potential you have for anyone. Don’t allow these lyrics to have you stuck and using your femininity as your only means of income. Value yourself and your mind just as much as you do your female power. I’m not saying it’s bad to allow someone to spoil you. I think all of us deserve that kind of love. But make sure with a man present in your life or not that you are taken care of. Always always always have your own and spoil your damn self! I promise every man you come across will respect you more. It’s a lot harder to keep a woman who can’t be be bought. A real man will rise to the occasion.

Xoxo,

Nori

Creating with mindfulness and Intention: Shades of Pink turns 1

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shades
Photo’s by Joel Ismont

Happiest of Birthday’s to my shade babes (a belated one to say the least, which is due to me getting my shit together for myself and for this blog). The best gift my blog could have possibly received was the major support and love that comes in the form of views and the positive words sent to me through comments and messages every day (even when I’m not posting, which absolutely warms my heart in a major way). I can’t say thank you enough. All of this love and support has kept me driven and put me in the position to monetize off of my blog. Thus far I am putting all of that money towards making Shades of Pink an even better experience for all of you. Through the ups and downs of being a new up and coming lifestyle blogger and being a twenty something here’s what I’ve learned during my time away:

The theme of “intention” seems to be really big in my life right now. I have learned in a few different aspects of my life, that nothing will change or improve until you move with intention. I used to think that mindfulness only applied to coping with anxiety and dealing with self when you are in a state of stress. But that is far from true. Being mindful opens your eyes to how you are living and coping out in the world. I am a firm believer that the mind and the body mirror one another. They send the conscious messages about what is going on in your subconscious. The subconcious is our ultimate truth underneath it all. Some of us are more in tune with this truth than others, naturally. But I think at some point or another that mindfulness beats our ass so crucially at some point or another that we have no choice but to shut up and listen. That without a doubt is mindfulness at it’s finest.

As a creative, being mindful (or not) affects your business and your brand both negatively and positively when we let it.  But furthermore it is a gateway drug to emotional intelligence (the best drug there is..let me tell you). I’ve kind of taken some time for me in the midst of figuring out who I am as a creative and what I want to do with my blog and my brand. Increasing my mindfulness and actually being able to identify what it is that I am feeling about myself, the people around me, and what I am doing with my life has given me an even bigger plan for Shades of Pink than what I initially started out with. I started with a small goal for myself and my potential, and now I have a plan. After getting myself together mentally, emotionally, and physically I can set my intentions. I know more often than not the cluttered mess in my mind and lack of time management is what keeps me from being consistent in my projects.

I had to remind myself the other day that when I first began working on my blog last year I actually had way more on my plate than I do now. What made me slow down was the pressure I felt to be the best at everything I was doing instead of being mindful of what MY best was. Understand this: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. What feels good to me and what is standard for society and those we feel the need to impress are two totally different things. What you think is being required of you is not YOUR best. That’s someone else’s standard. That’s someone else’s best. What is expected of me by my peers, loved ones, and what society is projecting on to us is not necessarily going to be what I want for myself in the grand scheme of things. I have multiple driving forces in my life that cause me to spread myself thin and opperate like a chicken with my head cut off. For some creatives like myself, having the time to focus in on one thing is the hardest part.

It also doesn’t help that the world tells us what success is and then we feel disappointed when the success or achievement we reach doesn’t make us feel full. Through this realization and through excessive amounts of FOMO (fear of missing out). I know what my best is and I know what success means to me. Success and how we define it is a very personal thing. I have a better understanding of what is priority in my life right now because of falling on my ass a few times and feeling disappointed. It’s necessary. It’s necessary to go through the motions so that we can understand them fully. The hardest part can be figuring out how to verbalize what it is that we are feeling. For the longest time I’ve felt like I’ve been working way harder than those around me, yet I was feeling like I was missing the mark. My achievements were no longer doing it for me. The bigger picture was: I was falling short somewhere.

I’ve busted my ass for a credential (for teaching) and for my current grades with in my actual major (mass com) that made me feel like complete shit afterwords because of lack of sleep, little to no self care, and ignoring my mental health just to get an A in a class I don’t really care about when it’s all said and done. Then in the midst of that my blog posts are far few and in between and so is my YouTube content. I had a social life that was completely lacking (but is slowly but surely becoming more of a priority again), I had no time for a significant other, and I was barely spending time with my family. But during this process of going through the motions and realizing how I felt, underneath it all I felt burnt out and spread thin. I felt like I was being mediocre in all the other areas of my life that were important to me and what I feel my true purpose is.

By no means am I saying screw your education. I know a degree is worth a lot these days and it can save your ass on many occasions, as well as being an asset to financial stability. But I’ve learned that to me, my worth is not determined by a degree. Attaining a degree does not come before my mental health, and most importantly it will never mean more to me than this right here. With the understanding I have now, there are a lot more moments where I am facing a school v.s. self dilemma, and I choose myself. I choose to get the sleep I need and turn an assignment in a day late when it’s necessary. I choose a little less study time so I can get myself together after a hectic day. Sometimes I’m going to do C+ work so that I can cater to my blog. But I’ve learned that it’s okay for me to do so. If anything, its NOT okay to run myself into the ground for a grade. A degree will help further what I want to do but it’s not the end all be all for me. I’m no longer afraid of getting a B or a C. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I won’t be the best at everything. But as long as I’m the best in the areas that are everything to me, I’m able to feel full.

With less than a year left of college I know where I stand with what I want and with that being said, my priority is myself. I won’t keep spreading myself thin and missing out on what is important to me. I am challenging myself to make more time to get a better balance on what works for me. I think that’s something all 20 somethings are searching for. How do we balance school, work, passion projects, friends and family, and a love life without losing our minds or spreading ourselves thin? Listen to your body and follow your heart. I would have laughed at that staement a year ago because I am always this “oh so logical, everything has to add up and makes sense” head ass, as I’d like to say. But the mind and body follow one another. If something doesn’t feel right (like your body telling you it needs to rest) listen to it. When your heart tells you something isn’t right listen to it. Work on what is lacking especially when you see signs of it wreaking havoc in your spirit.

I don’t have all the answers as to how to balance life and a busy schedule successfully, but I’ve decided I am dedicated to figuring it out and sharing it with you. I know it starts with intention. I know it starts with being mindful. I know it ends with emotional intelligence and being able to identify how you feel so you can identify what actually works for you and makes you feel whole. This comes with doing things that aren’t fun sometimes, so that you have time to spare. It will come with not being able to please everyone. It will also mean unlearning whatever you thought success was and redefining it for yourself.

As I start my journey, I want to begin with getting back to what I love most. I’m pushing myself to write even more often than before. I’m challenging myself to post every Sunday. I’m challenging myself to share a lot more of this journey of figuring out how to navigate life through all of its craziness. I’m challenging myself to be vulnerable. I want to end this with saying thank you to my friends who push me and are on my ass about me posting and continuing what I started. I also want to remind everyone that it is never too late to change how you think and process the world around you and start new habits. If you have a new habit you wish to create for yourself: Start today. Start where you are. At this very moment do something that will further move you into the direction you need to be in. Even if it’s a small task, get started. Fall back in love with what you do and prepare to have to make the effort to fall in love with it over and over again. The grass is only greener where you water it. To everyone who continues to read and share S.O.P thank you for your love and support. Happy Birthday Shade Babes !

20 something, stressed, and doing her best,

Nori <3

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A very first and very special shade babe post !

I am super excited to finally be posting the talent of other women who want to have a voice in writing or already do! All of our experiences and stories matter and deserve to be told. It’s been something I’ve been meaning to implement for a while and I’m excited that so many people have asked me about collaborating. Thank you guys for all the love and support that floods my messages, comments and DM’s from all over. I promise I listen to all suggestions and criticism (and take it with a grain of salt ;)).

In Every Drop

At this point it’s hard to know which bruises hurt more. The physical wounds are antagonizing. But the emotional distress is truly torturous. What am I so sad and low spirited about though? The fact that I have a new struggle to add onto, or the fact that life betrays me after every promise of a smooth ride? I guess that’s why we don’t trust in mankind or the life mankind has to provide. I should be rejoicing in the rain, in every drop God sent to remind me I am blessed. But how can I do that with a million different thoughts flooding me? I am drowning in a sea of questions, in oceans of uncertainty, in man made lakes of doubt. I am not just interrogating myself on where I have found my worth, but I am also wanting to question everyone and everything around me. My trust has failed to prevail once again. Setting up borders higher than the lasts. Building walls that don’t vanish in the horizons, hiding the frontier in which I can see a brighter tomorrow. If the grass IS greener on the other side I am not envying it. For I am locked in a dam, I don’t believe in grass and if there is grass anywhere it must be dead. Water doesn’t exist in the deserts outside the thoughts that drown me. I wish my mind was dry and empty like the west. I wish my mind was silent and abandoned, that every last thought I am fighting against decided to leave me like my good fortune. Solitude, now there’s a word that I find comfort in and yet cringe at. I am okay with being alone when it means in my head. But how I long for your spirit to reside next to mine. I yearn for the soft caress of your fingers on the back of my hand. I don’t want to be without you. But I want to be alone. Why are my spirits so low? Is it because thinking of us is thinking of the toxicity we poured on each other within the same water we used to grow? It’s thinking of the stones we threw when we decided you’d condemn me and I’ll condemn you. It’s thinking, and thats what I want to step away from. Every thought that invades my place of rest and incarcerates me. I am locked away in a jail that I sentenced myself to when I didn’t know how to love. I should be rejoicing in the rain, every drop God sent to remind me that his blessings are among me. His promise already fulfilled. But the boisterous winds of my past still haunt me. I can hear the storms whistling at the distance. Almost as to promise me that they will make a way into my present. The clouds aren’t clearing but the rain, the rain is a reminder of blessings. I am still. Not because I desire for the dry storms to catch up to me, but because I know this stormy weather won’t allow for old storms to arise. I look back but for what? All I see is the tornados that tore my home a part and spat it out into the far future completely intact now looking for new homes and cars to devour. Maybe I’ll leave a snack, for when it reaches this point I will be long gone. I should be rejoicing in the rain, in every drop God promises me blessings. So I turn my gaze ahead, I move one step forward and step out of my comfortability. I’ve got to align myself, my soul, my spirit, and I know my mind and body will follow. Submission, now there is a word I look forward to but toil with. Is it because I find submitting to the one that can bring the rain to me so beautiful, but can’t control my surrounding environment to submit with? It would mean to let go of me, if I’m not in love with who I am but in who you’ll make me…. why is it a brawl to lose me? I’ll go around the valley and starve my flesh. Once I am lost, completely lost in myself it will rain. I will rejoice in the rain, every drop God filling me with his blessings. I will find who he has planed for me to be. I couldn’t tell which bruises hurt more and now my wounds he healed. In the rain, he healed me in the rain.

A poem submitted by Blanca Flores.

Follow her on Instagram @_yeeeli !

Me and My Best Friends First YouTube Video!

 

Happy New Year everyone! A video/channel for my blog is still on the way, but sadly my health hasn’t been the best. I don’t do mediocre so I rather feel at my best and give you all my 100% before I release it. In the mean time my channel with my best friend is up and running and ready to go (which was a lot of work on it’s own while I’ve been dealing with this bronchidal infection and juggling my other projects) but I had plenty of help and I’m super excited for what’s to come! I’ve been quietly working hard and you’ll see what I mean soon.  Check out our first video below and be on the look out for a shadesofpink/shadesofnori Q&A really soon!

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The Stage 5 Clinger Chronicles

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source: https://giphy.com/gifs/slide-do-want-attracted-U55OHOikSiwb6

Stage 5 clinger {definition}: A relentlessly attached individual who disregards personal space in the emotional and physical sense. Prone to excessive actions such as blowing up your phone when you don’t respond, popping up unannounced, and stalker like activity. The kind of individual you won’t want to smash (for your own good).

Let me tell y’all…this is a topic HEAVY on my soul these days. Clingy is not cute and the way some of us look at the topic of clinginess is warped. My whole life I’ve never been one to appreciate overbearing personalities or gestures of any kind, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a love interest. People like that tend to make me nervous and annoy me. I don’t like excessive actions of any kind really. Space and moderation soothes me, especially because I would consider myself “emotionally claustrophobic”.

I feel as though sometimes people will submerge you into their constant emotional turmoil and extremities of their personality. My anxiety goes through the roof when someone is constantly clinging to me as a source of relief or as a sole source of someone’s happiness when I am only one person who is still trying to figure things out myself. I love people and helping them (which is why I started this blog) but it doesn’t feel good to be the end all be all in someones life, especially pertaining to their happiness.

I used to think something was wrong with me because friends around me would look at certain situations of mine and say “aww” to the exact gestures that I found to be annoying. But after yet another overbearing experience I realized it’s not me and why I HATE being clung to. Clinginess is another form of entitlement and here’s why:

1. Forcing interaction is manipulative and HELLA unattractive

When someone is busy, out with friends, or enjoying their me time and you take it upon yourself to blow them up in order to get a response it’s selfish and rude. You are blatantly displaying: “I know that you aren’t in the mood to talk right now and instead of respecting that I’m going to annoy you to death in order to get a response from you”. If this is you…you gotta chill. You’ve got to find some hobbies and sources of entertainment outside of the person you are annoying to death right now. It’s not healthy that you are acting lost and incapable of entertaining yourself without that person. I notice that this generation goes to extremes with how little or how much we care. We either act like catching feelings is a disease or we are wilding out over someone we’ve only known for two months. We are so lost in concepts that are false and unrealistic it’s a shame. Our standards and ideas of relationships come from movies, social media, and other sources that shove false ideas down our throats. Who’s idea was it that people really text or talk THE ENTIRE DAY ? If you know them please drag them for me because they’ve fed you all lies. If I like you I’ll text you a few times through out the day to check in, I’ll call you, or we’ll link up at some point but if you think I’m going to have time to respond every second of the day you are sadly mistaken and not busy enough. I’m a busy bee who thrives off of being busy. Being productive feeds my soul in ways that are therapeutic for me. Some of us internalize and make sense of things in the midst of keeping busy. If your girl/guy was busy when you met them respect that and quit acting surprised and being annoying about their lifestyle. Be grateful that they love being with you enough to make time out of their day to spend with you and talk to you.

2. Your lover/friend is their own person with individual needs

Some of us require space to just be in our own heads. I know I do. After a long day of working with kids or being around my friends and family I want to be alone to process the things that are going on in my life sometimes. I have days where I lock myself in my room and just write. I don’t answer the phone or want to be interrupted. Not because I hate my friends and family and want them to leave me alone forever, I just simply need to hear myself think. And that is totally okay! Clingers need that time too. Maybe if you took time to just be and spend time with yourself you’ll possibly even realize that you like your own company more than the company of others too. I know I sure as hell do. A lot of great things come from being alone.

3. Nothing genuine and worth having is forced

Do you want someone to miss you and genuinely want to be around you or would you rather pressure them and make them feel uncomfortable in doing so? Loving relationships of all kinds don’t thrive off of forcing the interaction and affection out of them. It takes patience, time, and effort from both ends. The best part is when you let people go be free to do them, giving them space to be themself and they make the decision of coming back to you and sticking around because they WANT to. My biggest issue with most people my age is how aggressively they love or pursue relationships. I firmly believe that what is meant for you will be exactly that, FOR YOU. You wouldn’t have to over extend yourself to get it. You won’t have to suffocate someone to keep them. My love and care can sometimes be misconstrued for being aloof or not caring but some of us love in ways that gives the other party a lot of freedom. Freedom is love in itself. That person loves you enough to give you the respect and freedom to be you and ultimately to do you. That includes allowing you the space and time to recoup from life and all that it throws at you. That includes being understanding. They are giving you the same respect they would want from you. If that itself isn’t love, friendship, and consideration..well shit, I don’t know what is.

I hope this finds you well. If you’re a stage 5 clinger please check yourself and question what your life is lacking to where you rely so much on someone’s presence or conversation. What made you think that life begins and ends with another person? And in turn…what makes you think you should be someone else’s whole life and that life should not go on without you? Ask yourself why you aren’t content all on your own. Ask yourself if there is a theme of codependency in all of your friendships and relationships. But if you aren’t a clinger and you come across one….rant about it on Instagram and change your number (jp don’t be like me 🙃). Nip that in the bud right from the door though and don’t be afraid to hit that block button sometimes.

Xoxo,

Nori 🌻

The “New” Woman

 

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[Photo does not belong to S.O.P]

Today’s Woman, especially the younger women like myself are a whole different breed of woman. I have watched us evolve and progress in the same ways that Anthropologists would describe human progression. In anthropology the human race is described as one that evolves and adapts to it’s ecosystem in ways that are a means of survival. And let me tell you the women of today have adapted honey, we got our foot on these men’s neck’s and the savagery is at an all time high. Consider this post as some food for thought for my ladies and some insight for the fella’s. Just as we have adapted I think there are a lot of men who are going to need to evolve and adapt in order to understand and pursue the new age women of today. Your WCW is a 20 something bad ass who has a playlist full of Rihanna, Megan Thee Stallion, and Saweetie. You can’t play her because her intellect is just as sharp as her winged eyeliner. She has 2 sources of income, is obtaining more than one degree, has standards through the roof, and can play the game (and calls when she see’s it) just as well as you can if not better. She embodies finesse. Men either hate her or admire her for it. But she’s so into what she’s got going on that she can care less. Fact or fiction needless to say,  I can guarantee you know a girl like this or similar.

From my experience and what I’ve seen on social media in the last 3-4 years the official rise of the New Woman came to be. Game was being exchanged and it became clear that women (a lot but not all) were no longer accepting men’s nonsense and are definitely unafraid to do men how they tend to do us. All the time I see us ranting and tweeting about new expectations that we’ve recently created and I love it. The bar is being set high   and we are expecting men to rise to the occasion. But what’s really interesting is how many men I see and know who supposedly praise women with a boss like mentally, yet don’t know what to do with one when they get her. If I had a dollar for every time I saw a guy tweet about wanting an ambitious woman who’s, independent, funny, does her own thing, and has her priorities straight I would be on somebodies Island getting a tan instead of writing this post. But the part that doesn’t add up is that men don’t seem to read the fine print of what a woman like that comes with. They say they want those things but ridicule everything that this kind of woman does. A woman that independent is one of a different mind set. She’s liberated and free, doing everything that men do and A LOT of you hate it. Being that I consider myself to be of this new woman era I understand it and like I always do I’m here to give you the real spill on how we feel.

So here’s the hard facts… The mind of a woman in 2018 is set up a little something like this :

We don’t owe you anything

As mean as that sounds we figured out a long time ago through trial and error (and from the mistakes of those before us) that until a man makes a solid commitment to you he doesn’t feel like he owes you loyalty or consideration of any kind. We’ve molded ourselves to be the same way given that we have options just like you do and double standards are for the birds. There’s also a good percentage of you who play mind games and don’t know what you want and we don’t have time to make blind commitment on something that isn’t a for sure deal. If you know what you want claim it and be clear or be left behind. We won’t wait for you to act right and we won’t beg you for the attention we deserve. We learned our worth years ago and added tax to it. Get with the program or simply get left.

There’s also a lot of men in this world who feel entitled. They know it’s a mans world and love to remind you through the way they act and speak. Today’s woman know’s she doesn’t owe you or anyone a damn thing. Not her time, conversation, or her body. She’s not afraid to tell you or put you in your place. Aggressive DM’s and treating her regular will get you blocked. But here’s the real drag (with love of course): as much as you want a confident woman you shame her endlessly for carrying herself that way ESPECIALLY if she happens to not be interested in you. Is her horse suddenly high because it actually is?  Or is it because your fragile masculinity doesn’t allow you to believe that she just might not be interested in you ? It’s very possible that you don’t meet her standards. Quite contrary to the majority belief that nice guys are being ignored for bad boys, athletes, and music artists with money, some of us look into the simple things like how you treat others, your interests, and how you choose to spend your free time ( some of you need to stop playing fork knife so much and get a real job). If this applies to you get it together, get out your feels, and get on her level. Maybe her attitude isn’t the problem and maybe you’re a crappy person who genuinely needs to work on yourself.

Submission is DEAD

Now I don’t mean this entirely because when committed there is always some sort of submission in matters of the heart. But as far as domesticated submission goes today’s woman wants a 50/50 exchange or one that works in a way that doesn’t leave us drained. Love is no longer enough to make us drain ourseleve’s taking care of a grown ass man. We expect a man that can take care of himself but sometimes allow us to as well. We want a partner, a boyfriend, a soulmate NOT a man child. We’re expecting to receive the same amount of effort and consideration we give out. We aren’t for being quiet and living with the purpose to only please. We aren’t for being dominated and told what to do and we DEFINITELY are beyond stroking fragile ego’s and tending to insecurities that have nothing to do with us…well most of us are. I know from my own experience in relationships that my tolerance for BS is quite low and from what I’ve been seeing a lot of other women my age feel the same way and carry themselves with that exact energy. If I don’t like something I’m going to voice it. If you’re lacking I’m going to let you know. For one, honesty is the greatest display of respect and care for someone but ultimately no one has time to hold their tongue and sacrifice their own happiness.

I’ve learned that you can love somebody deeply but all the love in the world isn’t enough to make that person right for you or treat you in the ways you expect. I’ve learned that I need to be cared for in certain ways, I need space to be myself, and I need peace of mind. If I find that a relationship I’m in doesn’t bring that I’m not sticking around to wait for a lost cause. I come into every situation presenting myself as I am and laying out on the table what I require. More times than not someone I meet will tell me they respect my ambition and my priorities and then be upset that I can’t dedicate all my time to them. I can make it clear that I like my independence and freedom but that can mean nothing to someone who is insecure and believes a woman is supposed to stay home and not have a life outside of him. For the record, men like that are very real and need to understand we want a boyfriend not a father. I already have a dad and if he isn’t telling me what to do why are you? Relax big fella. If you don’t trust me to handle myself accordingly when I’m out with my friends don’t waste your time with me. The moral of the story is we won’t walk on egg shells to please you. The insecure are never pleased. That kind of submission is a full time job with no pay (basically an internship)… LOL BYE AF.

Our Worth: Tax + Shipping and Handling

The girls know their worth and we aren’t here to play with you! It has sky rocketed and we expect to be treated like the Queens we are because we know what we bring to the table. We love ourselves. We work hard, pamper ourselves, and shine all on our own. We’re making business moves, taking care of our mental health, and planning for the future. You think we’re just gonna allow anybody to walk into our life and disturb our peace, give us acne from stress, mess up our credit, and leave us with unnecessary insecurities ? NO! We bet on ourselves these days. Being alone is less of a liability than being in a miserable relationship with someone who doesn’t measure up. Some of you swear it’s social media that has made us expect so much but I firmly believe a lot of you will find any excuse to not give a girl your full effort. If she was really asking for too much what did you get with her for? The option to leave her be and let her be happy was always there.

Women have a way of bringing out the best in you when you let us. Some of it is for our gain but a lot of it benefits you because we see the potential. But some of the trash behavior that men display have ruined that for the majority and we know much better now than to fall for just potential. We understand that the male ego (especially of young men) is through the roof. It’s statistically proven that men who are more impressionable (as in allowing their woman to have influence on him in certain areas) are a lot happier than those who are always putting up a fight and making excuses for why he can’t be the man that she is asking (or requiring) him to be. We see that the majority isn’t impressionable and we no longer want to fight for what we want or have to fight to mold you so we’ve bossed up and learned to buy the car (potential man) as is . We aren’t buying fixer uppers in 2018. I’m waiting for my luxury car with all the detailing and extras.

Goal Digging

Oh you thought you were gonna occasionally stress us out and give us headaches for free? That was cute. Somewhere along the way I’ve watched us women decide that the labor of love isn’t free. Some have taken this to extremes and expect a man to be a meal ticket while some of us know how hard we work and also know what we bring to the table and expect someone equally yoked. With the way we take care of men emotionally, are always supportive, understanding, and helping them build their dreams we decided we want to be taken care of too and sometimes that’s financially. Amber Rose said it best: if you can ask me to lay up with you and please you the least you can do is pay a bill or even fund my dreams if you’ve got it like that. The way women are wired if we love you and you are in need or we see something that peaks your interest we try our best to help or we go out and get it for you.

Some of us want someone to be successful with rather than someone who mooches off of us and lands us in debt. We love a financially responsible King! Your finances are not the end all be all, but if you can manage money and be smart about your spending and investments it says a lot about you. Some of us want someone like that to learn from and grow with. But a lot of you swear that make us a gold digger. I think it’s quite the opposite and holds you guys to a standard, which a lot of you hate. I will acknowledge that there are women who are out here just for the money. To them a man is a check  and that’s something I don’t agree with because at the end of the day we are all people who deserve genuine love and respect. In a sense it’s dehumanizing and says a lot about a woman to be impressed solely by money. But there are a lot of men who accept that and allow themselves to be finessed by a pretty face and a nice body. Money won’t buy you love but it will get you some temporary attention if that’s what you’re into. A GOAL digger understands that your financial state is the icing on the cake and not the whole thing. Understand the difference.

Sexual Freedom

We aren’t here for your double standards and the fact of the matter is women love sex just as much as men. We no longer place false idea’s about sexuality into our heads that somehow separate what we can do from what men can. We move just like you do in the sense that if we want sex to be just sex, it will be just that. If we want to be monogamous, we will. If we want to be promiscuous, we will. A lot of you find that to be wrong or make a woman less valuable but yet you cheer on your womanizing friends who have been heaux’s since they figured out what a condom was in the 7th grade. We aren’t having it anymore and a lot more of us are beginning to judge other women way less for it. Where men get off thinking that their homie with the same amount of bodies as mileage on his car is somehow not as shameful as the girl he thought was hot but didn’t date because  she decides to have casual sex while single..I don’t know. It’s ass backwards and once again proves how fragile the male ego is.

According to social media if you even breathe wrong as a woman you are deemed a heaux (I love spelling it this way, isn’t it fancy? Posh af). So we live it up and do as we please. I’m sure I’m already being slut shamed just for writing this because apparently if you stick up for or understand the dynamics of another woman’s sexual choices (which may be different than yours) you’re suddenly a heaux too. Society tells men to do what they want, who they want, and when they want but shames women for it. Quite frankly we no longer give a damn and if my fellow sis is Netflix and chilling with someone new every month and she’s happy with it (and being safe) I don’t care nor does my opinion matter. A lot of you are lost in the sauce thinking that we have to act the way we would in a relationship when single. You’re even more lost for thinking that people are going to behave in the same ways they would in a relationship when single. It doesn’t make sense and when you aren’t committed to anyone but yourself you get to make those executive decisions without considering anyone. News Flash: women have needs.

 

I would like to leave a bit of advice for men who I find to be incredibly intelligent but tend to treat everything so black and white. All of your analyzing and opinion making comes in the form of a math problem most times. Not everything has a damn formula and things are not as simple as you make them. Dig deeper. Take the time to understand that your opinion isn’t as important as you think it is and it isn’t the only one that matters. Today’s woman doesn’t care if you like that we wear makeup or not, we do it for us. We don’t care if you love natural hair, or weave, or lace fronts because when we come to slay it isn’t for you. We want to feel good (or we know that another girl who hates us will be present) when we go out. We also value the compliments of women much more than yours and feel they are more genuine and less conditional. We think you’re lame when you make physical comparisons and pit us against each other. If our sexuality is a problem we won’t deal with you and natural selection just weeded out the weak. We won’t be controlled, ridiculed, or disrespected. But we’ll accept love, attention, and consideration from Kings who think past their ego, and who’s masculinity and confidence isn’t so fragile. One who can check himself and change his toxic ways of thinking to be a better man and be a genuine ally and supporter of women (never forget than you came from one).

To the women, continue to live life by YOUR rules. Someone will love you for it. Whether any of this was relatable for you or not do whatever makes you happy. Carry yourself in ways that make you feel proud of who you are. Live for YOU rather than for the likes of men or being “wifey material”. The person who deserves you and understands you will meet your standards and rise to the occasion. There are good men in this world who will give you the moon and the stars. I seent it with my own eyes. The man who’s worthy of you won’t be perfect but he will rise to the occasion and he’ll expect things of you as well that will provoke growth and instill confidence within you. He won’t dim your light or be jealous of your success. He won’t ask you of things that you can’t give and he will never try to change you. He’ll respect the person you are and add to your strength rather than preying on your weakness. Don’t ever compromise yourself or discount your worth. Don’t ever settle or allow loneliness to make you accept far less than you deserve. Last but not least, if he’s pushing 30 and still lives with his mom…run.

xoxo,

Nori <3

Stop Playing Yourself : The REAL tea

                                               [Photo does not belong to S.O.P]

 

Hey friends, happy Sunday! I know that new Drake just dropped and you’re probably deep into your feelings right now itching to text your ex. But ya girl is here to drop some gems and cure you of all of the nonsense. First and foremost be careful when listening to “After Dark” and “Final Fantasy” YOU WILL CATCH THE PREGNANT. But more importantly I’m here to check y’all (with love of course) on something that needs to stop. I’m watching way too many of you wind up in situationship’s and complaining about it. This goes for men and women. Men being both the culprit and the victim of this bs. If this applies to you keep reading and please…get it together.A situationship usually stems from us being tired of being alone and settling for something that seems like a relationship but isn’t. It seems ideal at first but all it does is drain you and test your patience.

The topic popped up on my twitter TL this past week when SoLLUMINATI or “PrinceTatted” posted a video on YouTube basically telling the girl who he featured in the video that he wanted to do what people do in a relationship minus the title, and sprinkled in there that he could talk to whatever girl he wanted but the same didn’t apply to her and she would get cut off. I still can’t tell if homie was trolling or not but I CACKLED. I wish a man would tell me this. I would hand him the scissors and be on my happy ass way laughing at the joke of a man he is. The crazy part is (joking or not) there are both men and women who think that way because of what some of us have allowed. I’ve never seen any good come from a situationship. 9 times out of 10 one of the people involved is expecting it to eventually turn into something. Please be realistic and don’t let that person be you. A relationship should be just that. Whether it’s official or not the exchange should be fair and respectful to the feelings of both parties involved. But for those of you who do want a relationship with a title and mutual respect you may want to apply these rules to your search:

1. Leave emotionally unavailable people the hell alone

WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THEY DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP TAKE THAT FOR WHAT IT IS. There are very low chances (no matter how amazing you are) that you can change their mind on that. Doing relationship shit without the title is not enough to change someones mind on what they do not want. Respect what they are saying and understand that you’re probably dodging a bullet anyways. But in most cases it’s not always as simple as someone telling you that they don’t want a relationship. Beware of mixed signals and people who put you on “hold”. If I’m interested in someone and one moment they seem interested in me then they’re distant the next I immediately dead it.

I don’t have the time or patience at 22 to wait for someone to disclose their feelings nor will I beg for it. I’m pretty direct with my actions if I’m interested you can tell. If asked I’m the open book that’s gonna tell you what it is, what it ain’t, and what it’s going to be. My actions always correspond with whatever that is. I don’t like confusion of any kind, nor does anyone else and I really don’t like miscommunication or lack there of, especially because life is far too short to stress myself out over something so prematurely anyway. If I’m upset and confused before we even get anywhere, we aren’t going anywhere ever. Your chance has come and gone. I won’t be a puppy chasing and following someone around for answers. I figure if you like me or want me bad enough you’ll make it clear. If someone keeps acting like they don’t know if they want you or not make the decision for them and exit stage left because you want someone that’s sure about you. Never put in more effort than what is being given out.

2. Know what you want and be realistic

Please stop kissing frogs when you’re looking for a prince, and the same applies for those looking for a princess. Basically: if you want a cute fairytale relationship or the white picket fence stop dating street pharmacists and hood – y’all know what I wanna say LOL. If you’re a man looking for wifey stop dating women who clear as day have savage in their bio. Shorty wants the ball players and street pharmacists who will buy her a Birkin “as friends”. Stay woke. Identify what you are truly looking for and keep that list in mind when dating. Date ONLY those kinds of people or face disappointment every time. Think about the kinds of settings you would meet someone who is the blue print of what you want. You won’t find a home body in a club (by choice) so stop searching there and start trying to make some damn sense of your ideas on dating.

But heres where being realistic comes into play. YOU CANNOT EXPECT SOMETHING THAT YOU YOURSELF CANNOT GIVE. So stop looking for someone with money and a yacht when your account is in the negative and you don’t even have a reliable car. Like attracts like and it’s unfair to expect the moon and the stars while turning down others  who are trying to get it together just like you. It’s hypocritical and makes zero sense. Now don’t get me wrong to date up a tiny bit is reasonable and it makes sense if you see something in them that you want for yourself. I think it’s great to want a partner that has something to offer and something to teach you. But be fair in doing so. The same applies emotionally and intellectually. Don’t expect to date someone with all the patience and understanding in the world when you’re a hot head with zero patience to offer back. Be the person you would want to date before having all these high expectations. Self check and see where you really are in life and make improvements where it’s needed.

3. Beware of men (and women) who make false promises

People are out here selling dreams we have all seen it. Men will waste your time for sport but that’s a post for a different day LOL.  If the person you’re currently pursuing is always making plans with you that fall through, cut it off. Someone who wants to see you will make it happen. If someone is constantly putting you on hold, as in giving you all these reasons for why you aren’t together “YET”…you my friend are in a situationship. Don’t let someone put you on pause. You are NOT a remote at the use of their fingertips and nine times out of ten they’re flipping through other channels anyway (if you know what I mean). Let that shit go. I don’t care if they give you a whole spiel about timing being the issue, because they aren’t shit for even putting you in a position to feel less than because they supposedly aren’t ready or in the position to be with you. That person had no business messing with you if they knew they weren’t ready to be with someone in that way. That is what you call a selfish person who is full of it and you deserve better than to be an option or be used at the expense of someone else’s supposed timeline. BYE AF.

4. Being single is not a jail sentence

My best piece of advice is going to sound hypocritical to the intro of this post but you need to hear it. Stop looking. Yes, literally don’t look at all. This is not a game of go fish babe this is real life and what is meant for you will be just that, FOR YOU. You will connect with whomever and gravitate to them organically. Stop entertaining people out of boredom. Stop settling because it’s been 2 years and the person you want and deserve hasn’t showed up yet. Be patient or you’re going to wind up in an unhappy situation. Stop keeping toxic exes around because you can’t be alone. Stop breaking your neck to keep your current toxic relationship going, it isn’t worth it. I myself am a testament to that. I’m doing just fine after leaving a 6 year relationship that wasn’t meant to be and I’m much happier. I rather wait for someone who’s going to allow me to be me and love me for it rather than someone who is going to fall in love with the idea of me and give me shit for being who I am (because I decided to be impatient, settle, and rush the process).  Sounds dumb right ? Don’t do it. Which also brings me to how loneliness will really cause us to fall for the idea of a person who we will later on find out that we don’t even like on a person to person level. As corny and over used as the saying is, learn to love yourself and be whole all on your own.

If you can’t be content on your own and keep looking for happiness in others you’ll put way too much pressure on the person you wind up with, which is unfair. It’s also unfair to you because when you make someone your entire world or your “end all be all” there is a possibility that they will leave and when they do you will be left with nothing and feel drained. That’s toxic in itself. Have a life of your own and radiate love all on your own. When you have your own little world that starts and ends with you it can’t be dismantled or taken away from you. A significant other should add to you and love you in ways that bring about your best potential. But in the mean time you should be learning to enjoy your own company and working on being the best version of yourself that you can be. The single life isn’t horrible, you won’t die, and you are still lovable and worthy of a happy relationship. But have a happy relationship with yourself first. Discover all of your potential and know yourself and what you deserve will gravitate to you. Law of attraction (look it up if you don’t know what that is). I live life selfishly and headache free. I take myself on dates and make it habit to enjoy my solitude from time to time. I have amazing friends that I have fun with and I’m always keeping busy and working on something. A relationship isn’t too high on my priority list right now and I’m living my best life without one, which is how I know you can too.

xoxo,

Nori <3