The Stage 5 Clinger Chronicles

clingy
source: https://giphy.com/gifs/slide-do-want-attracted-U55OHOikSiwb6

Stage 5 clinger {definition}: A relentlessly attached individual who disregards personal space in the emotional and physical sense. Prone to excessive actions such as blowing up your phone when you don’t respond, popping up unannounced, and stalker like activity. The kind of individual you won’t want to smash (for your own good).

Let me tell y’all…this is a topic HEAVY on my soul these days. Clingy is not cute and the way some of us look at the topic of clinginess is warped. My whole life I’ve never been one to appreciate overbearing personalities or gestures of any kind, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a love interest. People like that tend to make me nervous and annoy me. I don’t like excessive actions of any kind really. Space and moderation soothes me, especially because I would consider myself “emotionally claustrophobic”.

I feel as though sometimes people will submerge you into their constant emotional turmoil and extremities of their personality. My anxiety goes through the roof when someone is constantly clinging to me as a source of relief or as a sole source of someone’s happiness when I am only one person who is still trying to figure things out myself. I love people and helping them (which is why I started this blog) but it doesn’t feel good to be the end all be all in someones life, especially pertaining to their happiness.

I used to think something was wrong with me because friends around me would look at certain situations of mine and say “aww” to the exact gestures that I found to be annoying. But after yet another overbearing experience I realized it’s not me and why I HATE being clung to. Clinginess is another form of entitlement and here’s why:

1. Forcing interaction is manipulative and HELLA unattractive

When someone is busy, out with friends, or enjoying their me time and you take it upon yourself to blow them up in order to get a response it’s selfish and rude. You are blatantly displaying: “I know that you aren’t in the mood to talk right now and instead of respecting that I’m going to annoy you to death in order to get a response from you”. If this is you…you gotta chill. You’ve got to find some hobbies and sources of entertainment outside of the person you are annoying to death right now. It’s not healthy that you are acting lost and incapable of entertaining yourself without that person. I notice that this generation goes to extremes with how little or how much we care. We either act like catching feelings is a disease or we are wilding out over someone we’ve only known for two months. We are so lost in concepts that are false and unrealistic it’s a shame. Our standards and ideas of relationships come from movies, social media, and other sources that shove false ideas down our throats. Who’s idea was it that people really text or talk THE ENTIRE DAY ? If you know them please drag them for me because they’ve fed you all lies. If I like you I’ll text you a few times through out the day to check in, I’ll call you, or we’ll link up at some point but if you think I’m going to have time to respond every second of the day you are sadly mistaken and not busy enough. I’m a busy bee who thrives off of being busy. Being productive feeds my soul in ways that are therapeutic for me. Some of us internalize and make sense of things in the midst of keeping busy. If your girl/guy was busy when you met them respect that and quit acting surprised and being annoying about their lifestyle. Be grateful that they love being with you enough to make time out of their day to spend with you and talk to you.

2. Your lover/friend is their own person with individual needs

Some of us require space to just be in our own heads. I know I do. After a long day of working with kids or being around my friends and family I want to be alone to process the things that are going on in my life sometimes. I have days where I lock myself in my room and just write. I don’t answer the phone or want to be interrupted. Not because I hate my friends and family and want them to leave me alone forever, I just simply need to hear myself think. And that is totally okay! Clingers need that time too. Maybe if you took time to just be and spend time with yourself you’ll possibly even realize that you like your own company more than the company of others too. I know I sure as hell do. A lot of great things come from being alone.

3. Nothing genuine and worth having is forced

Do you want someone to miss you and genuinely want to be around you or would you rather pressure them and make them feel uncomfortable in doing so? Loving relationships of all kinds don’t thrive off of forcing the interaction and affection out of them. It takes patience, time, and effort from both ends. The best part is when you let people go be free to do them, giving them space to be themself and they make the decision of coming back to you and sticking around because they WANT to. My biggest issue with most people my age is how aggressively they love or pursue relationships. I firmly believe that what is meant for you will be exactly that, FOR YOU. You wouldn’t have to over extend yourself to get it. You won’t have to suffocate someone to keep them. My love and care can sometimes be misconstrued for being aloof or not caring but some of us love in ways that gives the other party a lot of freedom. Freedom is love in itself. That person loves you enough to give you the respect and freedom to be you and ultimately to do you. That includes allowing you the space and time to recoup from life and all that it throws at you. That includes being understanding. They are giving you the same respect they would want from you. If that itself isn’t love, friendship, and consideration..well shit, I don’t know what is.

I hope this finds you well. If you’re a stage 5 clinger please check yourself and question what your life is lacking to where you rely so much on someone’s presence or conversation. What made you think that life begins and ends with another person? And in turn…what makes you think you should be someone else’s whole life and that life should not go on without you? Ask yourself why you aren’t content all on your own. Ask yourself if there is a theme of codependency in all of your friendships and relationships. But if you aren’t a clinger and you come across one….rant about it on Instagram and change your number (jp don’t be like me 🙃). Nip that in the bud right from the door though and don’t be afraid to hit that block button sometimes.

Xoxo,

Nori 🌻

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