The “New” Woman

 

IMG_6047

[Photo does not belong to S.O.P]

Today’s Woman, especially the younger women like myself are a whole different breed of woman. I have watched us evolve and progress in the same ways that Anthropologists would describe human progression. In anthropology the human race is described as one that evolves and adapts to it’s ecosystem in ways that are a means of survival. And let me tell you the women of today have adapted honey, we got our foot on these men’s neck’s and the savagery is at an all time high. Consider this post as some food for thought for my ladies and some insight for the fella’s. Just as we have adapted I think there are a lot of men who are going to need to evolve and adapt in order to understand and pursue the new age women of today. Your WCW is a 20 something bad ass who has a playlist full of Rihanna, Megan Thee Stallion, and Saweetie. You can’t play her because her intellect is just as sharp as her winged eyeliner. She has 2 sources of income, is obtaining more than one degree, has standards through the roof, and can play the game (and calls when she see’s it) just as well as you can if not better. She embodies finesse. Men either hate her or admire her for it. But she’s so into what she’s got going on that she can care less. Fact or fiction needless to say,  I can guarantee you know a girl like this or similar.

From my experience and what I’ve seen on social media in the last 3-4 years the official rise of the New Woman came to be. Game was being exchanged and it became clear that women (a lot but not all) were no longer accepting men’s nonsense and are definitely unafraid to do men how they tend to do us. All the time I see us ranting and tweeting about new expectations that we’ve recently created and I love it. The bar is being set high   and we are expecting men to rise to the occasion. But what’s really interesting is how many men I see and know who supposedly praise women with a boss like mentally, yet don’t know what to do with one when they get her. If I had a dollar for every time I saw a guy tweet about wanting an ambitious woman who’s, independent, funny, does her own thing, and has her priorities straight I would be on somebodies Island getting a tan instead of writing this post. But the part that doesn’t add up is that men don’t seem to read the fine print of what a woman like that comes with. They say they want those things but ridicule everything that this kind of woman does. A woman that independent is one of a different mind set. She’s liberated and free, doing everything that men do and A LOT of you hate it. Being that I consider myself to be of this new woman era I understand it and like I always do I’m here to give you the real spill on how we feel.

So here’s the hard facts… The mind of a woman in 2018 is set up a little something like this :

We don’t owe you anything

As mean as that sounds we figured out a long time ago through trial and error (and from the mistakes of those before us) that until a man makes a solid commitment to you he doesn’t feel like he owes you loyalty or consideration of any kind. We’ve molded ourselves to be the same way given that we have options just like you do and double standards are for the birds. There’s also a good percentage of you who play mind games and don’t know what you want and we don’t have time to make blind commitment on something that isn’t a for sure deal. If you know what you want claim it and be clear or be left behind. We won’t wait for you to act right and we won’t beg you for the attention we deserve. We learned our worth years ago and added tax to it. Get with the program or simply get left.

There’s also a lot of men in this world who feel entitled. They know it’s a mans world and love to remind you through the way they act and speak. Today’s woman know’s she doesn’t owe you or anyone a damn thing. Not her time, conversation, or her body. She’s not afraid to tell you or put you in your place. Aggressive DM’s and treating her regular will get you blocked. But here’s the real drag (with love of course): as much as you want a confident woman you shame her endlessly for carrying herself that way ESPECIALLY if she happens to not be interested in you. Is her horse suddenly high because it actually is?  Or is it because your fragile masculinity doesn’t allow you to believe that she just might not be interested in you ? It’s very possible that you don’t meet her standards. Quite contrary to the majority belief that nice guys are being ignored for bad boys, athletes, and music artists with money, some of us look into the simple things like how you treat others, your interests, and how you choose to spend your free time ( some of you need to stop playing fork knife so much and get a real job). If this applies to you get it together, get out your feels, and get on her level. Maybe her attitude isn’t the problem and maybe you’re a crappy person who genuinely needs to work on yourself.

Submission is DEAD

Now I don’t mean this entirely because when committed there is always some sort of submission in matters of the heart. But as far as domesticated submission goes today’s woman wants a 50/50 exchange or one that works in a way that doesn’t leave us drained. Love is no longer enough to make us drain ourseleve’s taking care of a grown ass man. We expect a man that can take care of himself but sometimes allow us to as well. We want a partner, a boyfriend, a soulmate NOT a man child. We’re expecting to receive the same amount of effort and consideration we give out. We aren’t for being quiet and living with the purpose to only please. We aren’t for being dominated and told what to do and we DEFINITELY are beyond stroking fragile ego’s and tending to insecurities that have nothing to do with us…well most of us are. I know from my own experience in relationships that my tolerance for BS is quite low and from what I’ve been seeing a lot of other women my age feel the same way and carry themselves with that exact energy. If I don’t like something I’m going to voice it. If you’re lacking I’m going to let you know. For one, honesty is the greatest display of respect and care for someone but ultimately no one has time to hold their tongue and sacrifice their own happiness.

I’ve learned that you can love somebody deeply but all the love in the world isn’t enough to make that person right for you or treat you in the ways you expect. I’ve learned that I need to be cared for in certain ways, I need space to be myself, and I need peace of mind. If I find that a relationship I’m in doesn’t bring that I’m not sticking around to wait for a lost cause. I come into every situation presenting myself as I am and laying out on the table what I require. More times than not someone I meet will tell me they respect my ambition and my priorities and then be upset that I can’t dedicate all my time to them. I can make it clear that I like my independence and freedom but that can mean nothing to someone who is insecure and believes a woman is supposed to stay home and not have a life outside of him. For the record, men like that are very real and need to understand we want a boyfriend not a father. I already have a dad and if he isn’t telling me what to do why are you? Relax big fella. If you don’t trust me to handle myself accordingly when I’m out with my friends don’t waste your time with me. The moral of the story is we won’t walk on egg shells to please you. The insecure are never pleased. That kind of submission is a full time job with no pay (basically an internship)… LOL BYE AF.

Our Worth: Tax + Shipping and Handling

The girls know their worth and we aren’t here to play with you! It has sky rocketed and we expect to be treated like the Queens we are because we know what we bring to the table. We love ourselves. We work hard, pamper ourselves, and shine all on our own. We’re making business moves, taking care of our mental health, and planning for the future. You think we’re just gonna allow anybody to walk into our life and disturb our peace, give us acne from stress, mess up our credit, and leave us with unnecessary insecurities ? NO! We bet on ourselves these days. Being alone is less of a liability than being in a miserable relationship with someone who doesn’t measure up. Some of you swear it’s social media that has made us expect so much but I firmly believe a lot of you will find any excuse to not give a girl your full effort. If she was really asking for too much what did you get with her for? The option to leave her be and let her be happy was always there.

Women have a way of bringing out the best in you when you let us. Some of it is for our gain but a lot of it benefits you because we see the potential. But some of the trash behavior that men display have ruined that for the majority and we know much better now than to fall for just potential. We understand that the male ego (especially of young men) is through the roof. It’s statistically proven that men who are more impressionable (as in allowing their woman to have influence on him in certain areas) are a lot happier than those who are always putting up a fight and making excuses for why he can’t be the man that she is asking (or requiring) him to be. We see that the majority isn’t impressionable and we no longer want to fight for what we want or have to fight to mold you so we’ve bossed up and learned to buy the car (potential man) as is . We aren’t buying fixer uppers in 2018. I’m waiting for my luxury car with all the detailing and extras.

Goal Digging

Oh you thought you were gonna occasionally stress us out and give us headaches for free? That was cute. Somewhere along the way I’ve watched us women decide that the labor of love isn’t free. Some have taken this to extremes and expect a man to be a meal ticket while some of us know how hard we work and also know what we bring to the table and expect someone equally yoked. With the way we take care of men emotionally, are always supportive, understanding, and helping them build their dreams we decided we want to be taken care of too and sometimes that’s financially. Amber Rose said it best: if you can ask me to lay up with you and please you the least you can do is pay a bill or even fund my dreams if you’ve got it like that. The way women are wired if we love you and you are in need or we see something that peaks your interest we try our best to help or we go out and get it for you.

Some of us want someone to be successful with rather than someone who mooches off of us and lands us in debt. We love a financially responsible King! Your finances are not the end all be all, but if you can manage money and be smart about your spending and investments it says a lot about you. Some of us want someone like that to learn from and grow with. But a lot of you swear that make us a gold digger. I think it’s quite the opposite and holds you guys to a standard, which a lot of you hate. I will acknowledge that there are women who are out here just for the money. To them a man is a check  and that’s something I don’t agree with because at the end of the day we are all people who deserve genuine love and respect. In a sense it’s dehumanizing and says a lot about a woman to be impressed solely by money. But there are a lot of men who accept that and allow themselves to be finessed by a pretty face and a nice body. Money won’t buy you love but it will get you some temporary attention if that’s what you’re into. A GOAL digger understands that your financial state is the icing on the cake and not the whole thing. Understand the difference.

Sexual Freedom

We aren’t here for your double standards and the fact of the matter is women love sex just as much as men. We no longer place false idea’s about sexuality into our heads that somehow separate what we can do from what men can. We move just like you do in the sense that if we want sex to be just sex, it will be just that. If we want to be monogamous, we will. If we want to be promiscuous, we will. A lot of you find that to be wrong or make a woman less valuable but yet you cheer on your womanizing friends who have been heaux’s since they figured out what a condom was in the 7th grade. We aren’t having it anymore and a lot more of us are beginning to judge other women way less for it. Where men get off thinking that their homie with the same amount of bodies as mileage on his car is somehow not as shameful as the girl he thought was hot but didn’t date because  she decides to have casual sex while single..I don’t know. It’s ass backwards and once again proves how fragile the male ego is.

According to social media if you even breathe wrong as a woman you are deemed a heaux (I love spelling it this way, isn’t it fancy? Posh af). So we live it up and do as we please. I’m sure I’m already being slut shamed just for writing this because apparently if you stick up for or understand the dynamics of another woman’s sexual choices (which may be different than yours) you’re suddenly a heaux too. Society tells men to do what they want, who they want, and when they want but shames women for it. Quite frankly we no longer give a damn and if my fellow sis is Netflix and chilling with someone new every month and she’s happy with it (and being safe) I don’t care nor does my opinion matter. A lot of you are lost in the sauce thinking that we have to act the way we would in a relationship when single. You’re even more lost for thinking that people are going to behave in the same ways they would in a relationship when single. It doesn’t make sense and when you aren’t committed to anyone but yourself you get to make those executive decisions without considering anyone. News Flash: women have needs.

 

I would like to leave a bit of advice for men who I find to be incredibly intelligent but tend to treat everything so black and white. All of your analyzing and opinion making comes in the form of a math problem most times. Not everything has a damn formula and things are not as simple as you make them. Dig deeper. Take the time to understand that your opinion isn’t as important as you think it is and it isn’t the only one that matters. Today’s woman doesn’t care if you like that we wear makeup or not, we do it for us. We don’t care if you love natural hair, or weave, or lace fronts because when we come to slay it isn’t for you. We want to feel good (or we know that another girl who hates us will be present) when we go out. We also value the compliments of women much more than yours and feel they are more genuine and less conditional. We think you’re lame when you make physical comparisons and pit us against each other. If our sexuality is a problem we won’t deal with you and natural selection just weeded out the weak. We won’t be controlled, ridiculed, or disrespected. But we’ll accept love, attention, and consideration from Kings who think past their ego, and who’s masculinity and confidence isn’t so fragile. One who can check himself and change his toxic ways of thinking to be a better man and be a genuine ally and supporter of women (never forget than you came from one).

To the women, continue to live life by YOUR rules. Someone will love you for it. Whether any of this was relatable for you or not do whatever makes you happy. Carry yourself in ways that make you feel proud of who you are. Live for YOU rather than for the likes of men or being “wifey material”. The person who deserves you and understands you will meet your standards and rise to the occasion. There are good men in this world who will give you the moon and the stars. I seent it with my own eyes. The man who’s worthy of you won’t be perfect but he will rise to the occasion and he’ll expect things of you as well that will provoke growth and instill confidence within you. He won’t dim your light or be jealous of your success. He won’t ask you of things that you can’t give and he will never try to change you. He’ll respect the person you are and add to your strength rather than preying on your weakness. Don’t ever compromise yourself or discount your worth. Don’t ever settle or allow loneliness to make you accept far less than you deserve. Last but not least, if he’s pushing 30 and still lives with his mom…run.

xoxo,

Nori ❤

Advertisements