Stop Playing Yourself : The REAL tea

                                               [Photo does not belong to S.O.P]


Hey friends, happy Sunday! I know that new Drake just dropped and you’re probably deep into your feelings right now itching to text your ex. But ya girl is here to drop some gems and cure you of all of the nonsense. First and foremost be careful when listening to “After Dark” and “Final Fantasy” YOU WILL CATCH THE PREGNANT. But more importantly I’m here to check y’all (with love of course) on something that needs to stop. I’m watching way too many of you wind up in situationship’s and complaining about it. This goes for men and women. Men being both the culprit and the victim of this bs. If this applies to you keep reading and please…get it together.A situationship usually stems from us being tired of being alone and settling for something that seems like a relationship but isn’t. It seems ideal at first but all it does is drain you and test your patience.

The topic popped up on my twitter TL this past week when SoLLUMINATI or “PrinceTatted” posted a video on YouTube basically telling the girl who he featured in the video that he wanted to do what people do in a relationship minus the title, and sprinkled in there that he could talk to whatever girl he wanted but the same didn’t apply to her and she would get cut off. I still can’t tell if homie was trolling or not but I CACKLED. I wish a man would tell me this. I would hand him the scissors and be on my happy ass way laughing at the joke of a man he is. The crazy part is (joking or not) there are both men and women who think that way because of what some of us have allowed. I’ve never seen any good come from a situationship. 9 times out of 10 one of the people involved is expecting it to eventually turn into something. Please be realistic and don’t let that person be you. A relationship should be just that. Whether it’s official or not the exchange should be fair and respectful to the feelings of both parties involved. But for those of you who do want a relationship with a title and mutual respect you may want to apply these rules to your search:

1. Leave emotionally unavailable people the hell alone

WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THEY DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP TAKE THAT FOR WHAT IT IS. There are very low chances (no matter how amazing you are) that you can change their mind on that. Doing relationship shit without the title is not enough to change someones mind on what they do not want. Respect what they are saying and understand that you’re probably dodging a bullet anyways. But in most cases it’s not always as simple as someone telling you that they don’t want a relationship. Beware of mixed signals and people who put you on “hold”. If I’m interested in someone and one moment they seem interested in me then they’re distant the next I immediately dead it.

I don’t have the time or patience at 22 to wait for someone to disclose their feelings nor will I beg for it. I’m pretty direct with my actions if I’m interested you can tell. If asked I’m the open book that’s gonna tell you what it is, what it ain’t, and what it’s going to be. My actions always correspond with whatever that is. I don’t like confusion of any kind, nor does anyone else and I really don’t like miscommunication or lack there of, especially because life is far too short to stress myself out over something so prematurely anyway. If I’m upset and confused before we even get anywhere, we aren’t going anywhere ever. Your chance has come and gone. I won’t be a puppy chasing and following someone around for answers. I figure if you like me or want me bad enough you’ll make it clear. If someone keeps acting like they don’t know if they want you or not make the decision for them and exit stage left because you want someone that’s sure about you. Never put in more effort than what is being given out.

2. Know what you want and be realistic

Please stop kissing frogs when you’re looking for a prince, and the same applies for those looking for a princess. Basically: if you want a cute fairytale relationship or the white picket fence stop dating street pharmacists and hood – y’all know what I wanna say LOL. If you’re a man looking for wifey stop dating women who clear as day have savage in their bio. Shorty wants the ball players and street pharmacists who will buy her a Birkin “as friends”. Stay woke. Identify what you are truly looking for and keep that list in mind when dating. Date ONLY those kinds of people or face disappointment every time. Think about the kinds of settings you would meet someone who is the blue print of what you want. You won’t find a home body in a club (by choice) so stop searching there and start trying to make some damn sense of your ideas on dating.

But heres where being realistic comes into play. YOU CANNOT EXPECT SOMETHING THAT YOU YOURSELF CANNOT GIVE. So stop looking for someone with money and a yacht when your account is in the negative and you don’t even have a reliable car. Like attracts like and it’s unfair to expect the moon and the stars while turning down others  who are trying to get it together just like you. It’s hypocritical and makes zero sense. Now don’t get me wrong to date up a tiny bit is reasonable and it makes sense if you see something in them that you want for yourself. I think it’s great to want a partner that has something to offer and something to teach you. But be fair in doing so. The same applies emotionally and intellectually. Don’t expect to date someone with all the patience and understanding in the world when you’re a hot head with zero patience to offer back. Be the person you would want to date before having all these high expectations. Self check and see where you really are in life and make improvements where it’s needed.

3. Beware of men (and women) who make false promises

People are out here selling dreams we have all seen it. Men will waste your time for sport but that’s a post for a different day LOL.  If the person you’re currently pursuing is always making plans with you that fall through, cut it off. Someone who wants to see you will make it happen. If someone is constantly putting you on hold, as in giving you all these reasons for why you aren’t together “YET”…you my friend are in a situationship. Don’t let someone put you on pause. You are NOT a remote at the use of their fingertips and nine times out of ten they’re flipping through other channels anyway (if you know what I mean). Let that shit go. I don’t care if they give you a whole spiel about timing being the issue, because they aren’t shit for even putting you in a position to feel less than because they supposedly aren’t ready or in the position to be with you. That person had no business messing with you if they knew they weren’t ready to be with someone in that way. That is what you call a selfish person who is full of it and you deserve better than to be an option or be used at the expense of someone else’s supposed timeline. BYE AF.

4. Being single is not a jail sentence

My best piece of advice is going to sound hypocritical to the intro of this post but you need to hear it. Stop looking. Yes, literally don’t look at all. This is not a game of go fish babe this is real life and what is meant for you will be just that, FOR YOU. You will connect with whomever and gravitate to them organically. Stop entertaining people out of boredom. Stop settling because it’s been 2 years and the person you want and deserve hasn’t showed up yet. Be patient or you’re going to wind up in an unhappy situation. Stop keeping toxic exes around because you can’t be alone. Stop breaking your neck to keep your current toxic relationship going, it isn’t worth it. I myself am a testament to that. I’m doing just fine after leaving a 6 year relationship that wasn’t meant to be and I’m much happier. I rather wait for someone who’s going to allow me to be me and love me for it rather than someone who is going to fall in love with the idea of me and give me shit for being who I am (because I decided to be impatient, settle, and rush the process).  Sounds dumb right ? Don’t do it. Which also brings me to how loneliness will really cause us to fall for the idea of a person who we will later on find out that we don’t even like on a person to person level. As corny and over used as the saying is, learn to love yourself and be whole all on your own.

If you can’t be content on your own and keep looking for happiness in others you’ll put way too much pressure on the person you wind up with, which is unfair. It’s also unfair to you because when you make someone your entire world or your “end all be all” there is a possibility that they will leave and when they do you will be left with nothing and feel drained. That’s toxic in itself. Have a life of your own and radiate love all on your own. When you have your own little world that starts and ends with you it can’t be dismantled or taken away from you. A significant other should add to you and love you in ways that bring about your best potential. But in the mean time you should be learning to enjoy your own company and working on being the best version of yourself that you can be. The single life isn’t horrible, you won’t die, and you are still lovable and worthy of a happy relationship. But have a happy relationship with yourself first. Discover all of your potential and know yourself and what you deserve will gravitate to you. Law of attraction (look it up if you don’t know what that is). I live life selfishly and headache free. I take myself on dates and make it habit to enjoy my solitude from time to time. I have amazing friends that I have fun with and I’m always keeping busy and working on something. A relationship isn’t too high on my priority list right now and I’m living my best life without one, which is how I know you can too.


Nori <3

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