My friends who partially inspired this post. Actual girls who support other girls.
I know to the majority girl code is following a set rules or ethics we have created amongst each other especially when in a friendship with one another. Like we all know that when your best friend has to go to the bathroom at a party that means you’r going with her. There’s also codes about not dating your friend’s ex’s, and not letting your friend set her drink down at a function. But I think there is a more important girl code that isn’t as common or acknowledged. There is nothing that bothers me more than when I scroll through social media and see girls that I know fake supporting the girl power movement. By that I mean supporting the idea of sisterhood and uplifting women rather than putting each other down, which society ultimately conditions us to do.
There are a lot of us (some who I personally know but will not name….you’re welcome boo) who preach to the high heavens about womanly unity but are rude as shit in person, slut shame the girl who chooses to live her life differently, and act as though certain women are below them. What is even more disgusting is that it’s women who have clout or influence and they use it to make themselves look good to a wider audience when they don’t actually live by it in real life (Yeah I came to drag on a sunday).
A couple months back I wrote a poem called “For The Ladies” that was inspired by me seeing someone I knew being tore down on social media because of a post another girl made making fun of her looks. It was clear the girl had a separate issue with her and chose to go about it in a public way and make things personal. With the way social media is set up once someone with a good following says something about you and it’s seen everyone wants to join in on the “fun”. For some reason when us women have an issue with one another we take a shot at each other’s looks and status. I also notice this common theme of women I know who make it seem like they feel good about themselves and have it all together. They go about making those aspects known by putting down the next woman.
I’m all for this movement of being confident and loving yourself but I believe there is levels to this shit. A confident woman can acknowledge herself to be all that she is without needing to put the next woman down. For me to have written such a sensitive poem and harping on sisterhood I really had to check myself. Do I make comments that put me on a pedestal and shame other women? Am I acting like the woman I would want to be friends with? Am I being a support system or a helping hand to the women that need it like I talk about in my poem?
The answer to some of those questions were both yes and no. Since writing that poem I can honestly say I’ve checked my own behavior and even looked into my own insecurities that tend to show sometimes (because yes I’m human, and I’m here to tell the truth and not just drag y’all). It’s not the easiest thing to do but I realized I had to change my habits if I expect anyone else to change. If I wanna see more of us support each other I have to start with myself. With that being said, Girl Code Rule number one should be: BE A DECENT GIRL, DAMMIT.
Tell another girl she’s pretty and mean it, support your friends, and support other women in general (businesses ran by women, women musicians, artists, and producers, women who run non-profits ALLA DAT), stop shaming each other, stop looking at other women as competition for male attention, Stop making comparisons. All of it is lame and unnecessary. I’m still working on myself day by day but I make it a priority to support my fellow women, compliment them, encourage them with my words, and MIND MY BUSINESS. That one is super key. I REFUSE at this point in my life to shame another woman or judge her. What the next woman does and how she lives has nothing to do with me.
The choices another woman makes with her money, her body, and other life decisions are not up to me and ultimately don’t affect me. As long as someone isn’t hurting themselves I’m straight and hoping for their happiness and their highest good. I feel a lot lighter living that way. Being catty isn’t fun and knowing my confidence stems from me being the bad bad bih that I am (without comparison or implying the next woman isn’t) is the purest form of confidence that there is ! My confidence cannot be touched or depleted.
My confidence is organic and not built on the shame of other women or another woman’s short comings. It cannot be made or deflated by others, it’s source is just me being me and not wanting to be anyone else. I got to a point of not liking to see another being with the same struggles as me hurting. Women have it tough enough being that we are held to high appearance and physical standards. We are always being ridiculed and also being silenced when asking to be considered in the same way as our male counterparts. We need each other! We are a force to be reckoned with when we come together. The love, beauty, and brilliance we radiate when together is unmatched! I want to see a lot more of it.
I’m not saying all of us are going to be nice to each other all the time. I’m not saying you have to be nice to the b*tch that stole your man and talked bad about you. I’m not telling you to allow disrespect (If someone tries you, by all means go tf off sis). What I’m telling you is to be decent. Stop passing judgement on women you don’t know, stop shaming women you don’t know, stop allowing yourself to be mad about someone else’s whole ass individual lifestyle choices, stop being bitter and jealous, stop comparing yourself, stop competing for the attention of men, stop the fake girl power and be about it. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a choice. Every day I am choosing to be the girl I would wanna be friends with. Every day I am keeping in mind that even though I’m that b*tch, the girl next to me in line is possibly that b*tch too and it is no threat to my existence. Spread the love and prosper my babies !